the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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