I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
