I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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