Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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