I just saw a hot homeless man
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
