Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
