That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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