i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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