it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize