it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
