i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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