I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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