Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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