It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
