I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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