I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We got so high we made milksteak
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
