John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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