I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
