Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
