Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize