My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
