before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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