My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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