put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
