You just made me feel so damn special
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
