My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
