Sponge bath it is.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
