just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
