went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
