Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
