why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
