We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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