DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
