You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
