we have officially mastered the walk of shame
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
