I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
