i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize