I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
