If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
