It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I came so hard my ears popped.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
