I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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