I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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