She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ugly people sure do ruin things
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
