maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
