everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
