so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
