you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
