I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
