ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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