I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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