Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
