You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
