dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
