i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
