we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's get the cat blown out
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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