Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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