what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
