You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
