he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
