I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
