Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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