she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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