I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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