Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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