It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
