He kissed a someone with a penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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