I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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