4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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