Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
