I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
