I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
