I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have aggressive nipples.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
