i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
