He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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