Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
